pardon my french

the saga of parenthood continues... i guess this is my payback for all the years of saying "it's really not hard..." serves me right.

on a lighter note, i have "support" group tonight, smaller group tomorrow night & ethiopian food friday night with 3 of my favorite people! and then a merciful satuday, kid free morning included! things have been so busy lately, you can't imagine how much i am looking forward to that... and it's supposed to be glorious and sunny - can you say, "lay out, rachel! lay out!" (with the appropriate spf, of course.)

i have not been very interested in developing my heart lately. reading is dry, prayer is scattered & my attention is fractured at best. flipping through my journal just now i came across this, from rob bell. " 'Christian' is a great noun and a poor adjective." i have to find a way to get my ass off the adjective side of that sentence....

parenting

i take it back. i don't want to be the mom anymore.

seriously.

seriously. no one wants my damn birds? *sigh*

i am attempting to practice the delicate spiritual discipline of remembering, along with gratitude.

here dies another day

during which i have had eyes, ears, hands

and the great world round me;

and with tomorrow begins another.

why am i allowed two?

-g.k. chesterton

free! free!

two beautiful, happy male zebra finches, with cage & sundries! for free! let me know if you would like to adopt these non-reproducing birds! :)

happy friday!

parental shame

this is the handwritten note kyra will take to school tomorrow morning. verbatim.

"to whom it may concern:

i received, and signed, kyra's report card/ib assessment. then i promptly misplaced it. perhaps even threw it away in a flurry of housework. sorry about that. please don't penalize kyra for my hastiness.

thank you."

*sigh*

what kind of mother needs to write that note?!

day 2 - morning break

i am sitting the lobby of the WORLD HEADQUARTERS of the wesleyan church - the first time i've been to the world headquarters of anything! :) to be honest, i'm a little disappointed. not as world "headquarters-ish" as i expected. huh.

so the wives have been uninvited from the "role playing exercise" ... honestly, i'm relieved. today has been a lot harder already. we were given real church plant scenarios to make decisions about, and the scenarios weren't pretty. shot my idealism in the foot, if you know what i mean. :) it's probably a good thing, tho...

it's an interesting question, assessing the call of God. just because you "feel" a call, are you actually called? i've had many conversations with people trying to figure out what God is telling them about their life, and it's always an interesting conversation. and 4 days of it is even more so!

i just had someone tell me we'll probably be going past 11 tonight. ack. for those of you who know me well, you know that i am NOT a night owl. so this should be interesting... oh dear...

day 1

day 1:

basically us (read "me") talking about us (read "me")....

dang! i am secretly having fun! :)

while i'm gone...

you will probably love to read this from my brother ben, in indonesia. the sacrament of obedience...

3rd truth in a row!

"There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with reality."

- Thomas Merton

truth

i got peed on by a rat today

(seriously. i did. right on my leg.)

so - big news! curtis and i are going to the luxury vacation destination of ... wait for it... indianapolis! that's right - curtail your jealousy! we are going for 4 fabulous days and nights, filled with all the fun that "church planter assessment" can contain!

er... right. "fun".

well, the fun part is, for those of you who hadn't yet heard, curtis and i are planting a church! equal parts "whoohoo!" and "oh no!" :) in preparation for this week of "joy", we've already taken:

leadership style inventories

personality inventories

strength assessments

conflict resolution assessments

self-assessment questionnaires

we are going to be so full of knowledge by the end of next week!

i did hear that at least one wife has stormed out of the proceedings, hailed a cab and literally flew home without her luggage or her husband, she was so riled. so i've got that to look forward to, too.

at least the rat likes me?

(if you'd like to hear about our plans, or how you can support us, just leave me a note in the comment section! thanks!)

to do to do!

took a walk after work today... got pollen stuck in between my teeth.

cleaned my room! created the "family housework draft" form. i'm not the only one who lives here & makes a mess... so i'm not going to be the only one who cleans the mess!

sent The Girls to the lake with rissa & her kids... got a text to expect soaking, tired & happy kids any time now! :)

pet the rat. he didn't want to play, but got a good little noggin rub in.

finished a great novel.

made plans for smaller group. ahhhh....

hope your thursday is good, inter-tubes.

the truth hammer

while lenting the intertubes, i found i had a lot more time for reading... go figure! :) i have more books currently "on the go" than usual, and for whatever reason - the quality of the books, or the quality of my brain offline - they have really been connecting with me. so many pages are already dogeared and scrawled on that they look like old favorites!

the one that is currently captivating me is a little 107 page book with possibly the worst title ever: "the gift of being yourself". in fact, i almost didn't even read it because the title was so ... cheesy! but, boy - i would have missed out on one of the most completely "on-the-nose" things i've ever read. take these snippets:

"We all live searching for that one possible way of being that carries with it the gift of authenticity... Simple being is tremendously difficult to achieve, and fully authentic being is extremely rare."

"To truly know love, we must receive it in an undefended state..."

"The problem with the false self is that it works."

"While other people's excessive attachments & personal falsity often seem glaringly apparent, it is never easy to know the lies of our own life."

and this cobbled together paragraph - on acknowledgement of our worst selves:

"(Parts) of self that are not given a place at the 'family table' become stronger, not weaker. Operating out of sight & beyond awareness, they have increasing influence over our behavior. ... Self-transformation is always preceded by self-acceptance...Until we are willing to accept the unpleasant truths of our existence, we rationalize or deny responsibility for our behavior. ... You can never be other than who you are until you are willing to embrace the reality of who you are."

i am digging this book. seriously. i think you should probably get a copy.

welcome home

hello, blogosphere... i'm back! if i had a nickel for every time during lent that i wanted to blog something, i'd at least have enough for a soda from the vending machine! i really ought to have kept a list of all the interesting things that happened, but i didn't... so let's start off with the most recent events, and if anything from the past couple months occurs to me, i'll throw it in. :)

sadly, colonel reverend doctor captain chips - our 6 year old "just won't frickin' die" goldfish - finally gave up the ghost, and went to the big goldfish bowl in the sky. honestly, i can't say that i'll miss him. after the mourning period had passed (roughly 2 minutes), a passionate argument for our need to replace him with some african dwarf frogs was put forth by meg, who had experienced their glories in her classroom this year. so, gamely, vincent loaded The Girls into his car and headed off to the pet store to get a couple of frogs.

an hour later, i got a call from vinny telling me to meet them in the driveway. i'm sure you can tell where this is going. cautiously, i stepped out on the porch, and as they pulled up, his head poked out the window and he said, "we got a replacement for chips... but i don't think it'll fit in the bowl!" 3 joyous faces beamed out of the car at me as i opened the cardboard box proffered me from the backseat. and inside said box? a rat. not a small one, either.

truth be told, though, i have a soft spot for living things of all kinds. and the rat is surprisingly cute! his name is 'pippin le bref', after a 17th century king of france, because he sort of has a fleur de lis shaped marking on his back. i have already developed a shocking fondness for pip, as we call him. at least you can pick him and pet him... that's a lot more than you can say about a goldfish!