every year we get the girls little advent calendars... the kind with a "chocolate" surprise behind the little folding door for every day of december, counting down to christmas eve. (i was shocked to hear that this is not a big thing around here! they are a christmas staple from my childhood!)
Saturday, December 19, 2009
every year we get the girls little advent calendars... the kind with a "chocolate" surprise behind the little folding door for every day of december, counting down to christmas eve. (i was shocked to hear that this is not a big thing around here! they are a christmas staple from my childhood!)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
“Those who believe in God can never, in a way, be sure of Him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man… And this means that we are not safe, that there is no place where we can hide from God, no place where we are safe from his power to break into and recreate the human heart because it is where he seems most helpless that he is most strong and just where we least expect Him that he comes most fully.” - Frederick Beuchner
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
happy christmas, everyone. truly.
Monday, November 23, 2009
it's my birth-week, and guess what, people!!!??? i got a birthday present from God!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
today, curtis was my white knight....
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
- citizenship award
- homework award (no missed homework)
- effort & achievement award
- "A" honor roll - only 2 kids in the 7th grade won this!!
- student of the quarter (citizenship, scholarship, etc)
- highest average in the 7th grade, in all 4 core classes - algebra, humanties, language arts & science
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
clearly i am unfit for human consumption. so for the next bit, i am going to be posting, chapter by chapter (beginning with the introduction), the book that meg is writing.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
'jewish spirituality - a brief introduction for christians'
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
- i get to wear jeans & t's to work
- the people i work with are super nice
- i get to play my own music as loud as i want
- i get a lot of independence
- i get a fashion magazine's worth of new styles, textures & pieces every day
- the hours are absolutely perfect
- i earn actual currency
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
aly is a reckless, grinning, shrieking noodle of a girl! :) she is a constant open mouth grin, and flings herself across you with reckless abandon. it's too cute to even describe. she is like meg in that she has absolutely no personal space needs, and all she wants to do is touch you, grab you, etc. her eyes are the most honestly mischievous things i've ever seen! :)
zoe is a lot less grabby, but once she warms up to you, you want to work to earn her smile... she is beautiful, really. she's changed the most from her baby face, with wide, warm eyes and a totally beautiful spirit.
they are so different - sitting beside each other you might not think they are sisters.... aly's hair and skin are darker, and her face is a totally different shape. they have different personalities, and are so fun to sit and watch. i love to sit on the floor with them. they are delightful! :)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Girls are sitting behind me, watching "The Prince of Egypt" - the dreamworks retelling of moses & pharaoh, and the freeing of the Israelites.
pharaoh crests the hill, and israel is thrown into terror... forced up against the edge of the sea, nowhere to run, no help to be found. suddenly, the finger of God throws a wall of flame between the two, and now israel is between the flame & the sea... still, no way out. at a word from God, moses' staff hits the water, and the sea parts, towering walls of water on either side, and the choice is clear. fire, water, or the most terrifying path ever walked by man. but through they go - fish swimming past at the water-wall's edge, carts & animals sticking in the deep mud, hushed & platter-eyed children clinging to their parents robe. once on the other side, with pharoah's army having rushed into the breach after them, the crushing water overspills it's divine walls, drowning the entire army... each israelite safe on dry ground.
kyra, in the wonder of the moment (which dreamworks captures like nothing i had ever imagined), said, "i can't believe they would go on to worship idols after that." as i tried to provide a commentary on that, it struck like a bag of hammers that the story of the israelites is my story, too. in my dire need & circumstance, God shows his power & faithfulness, but at the very next sign of trouble, i am thrown into a chasm of doubt - "where are you, God?" ... "why God?"... "where God?"... i am an israelite, too.
God forgive me for all those times i have forgotten your power so quickly, and looked for my own answers. don't let me forget my own moments at the red sea's edge, when you have parted the water for my rescue... and thank you for them.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
it's hard to tell from the photo, but the ink is actually brown, not black. "nos cedamus Amori"... "let us now yield to Love" - from the poem by Virgil, it's actually the second half of the phrase 'love conquers all'. the more important half, if you ask me. and it sums up my whole life's philosophy: yield to the furious & foolish Love of God, yield in Love to each other.
Monday, August 03, 2009
people say marriage is hard work, and while i know that to be true, i also know that my marriage is more often fruitful, joyful, safe-making, comfort-giving & sure. there are many pieces and parts of my life that feel vulnerable right now - many things that seem flimsy to me - but none of them are curtis. not one of them is our marriage. even when i know i am making him angry or he is frustrating me, i don't have to worry that it's "the last straw". no matter how much we may not like each other at any given moment, our Love is certain, and we both know those moments pass.
so here's to us! two kids who got married too young, too fast.... who made choices that may have seemed crazy from the outside looking in, but who were following God as honestly as they could.... who have suffered the pain of life's losses alongside the beauty of it's gifts. there's a lyric in a song that is, "let's find out the beauty of seeing things through..." having seen through the last 15 years, i can tell you, there is beauty... and more beauty to come in the next 15.
thanks for being mine, curtis. i love you.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Oh my gosh! I just found the best website ever! Kiva - a microlending website! I just made a loan to an entrepreneur named Madeleine Diatta in Senegal, a mother of 8, with 4 additional dependants, who wants to use this loan to bolster her business fattening pigs, selling beverages, and running a small business to provide for her family.
- 100% of my loan will be sent to the local kiva partner who will disburse my loan
- I'll receive periodic updates showing the impact of my loan
- When I receive a repayment, I can withdraw the funds or sponsor a new entrepreneur
You can go to Kiva's website and lend to someone across the globe who needs a loan for their business - like raising goats, selling vegetables at market or making bricks. Each loan has a picture of the entrepreneur, a description of their business and how they plan to use the loan so you know exactly how your money is being spent - and you get updates letting you know how the entrepreneur is going.
The best part is, when the entrepreneur pays back their loan you get your money back - and Kiva's loans are managed by microfinance institutions on the ground who have a lot of experience doing this, so you can trust that your money is being handled responsibly.
It's a small thing for me to do, but a huge thing for her. I'm not just giving a hand out - I'm actually providing long term change for her and her family. How cool is that? I'm an international financier! :)
Check it out - we can change the world...
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
after having some of our people over last night, when the last couple left, we tiptoed upstairs to find the girls both awake, if barely, in kyra's room - meg in a carefully made bed of sheets and blankies - a sister slumber party.
woke up this morning to fort building and anticipation of molly's arrival, which will include not only a sleepover, but also an afternoon at pool and no end of girlish secrets and games.
kyra working happily on her summer homework project: inventing her own country and it's accompanying details... needless to say, it's an "all green, all the time", recycle-heavy island of preservation and conservation.
and holidae, my guinea pig cat, spread out on the desk in front of me right now, purring and lolling across the mouse and getting hair in my coffee.
all is right with the world.
Friday, July 24, 2009
here is a looong overdue watermelon update ... prompted by a watermelon travesty!
meg's melon's, much to our joyful surprise, are growing! the tender shoots were not eaten by deer! the juicy flower buds were not nibbled by bunnies! the vines grew long and leafy across most of lawn, rebelliously ignoring the area we had cleared for them. every day we inspected them, finding wee melons the size of grapes, up to the biggest one, similar in size to a large grapefruit.
and then, ALAS!
this morning, no less than FOUR of her largest and juiciest melons were GONE! not even a smidge of rind left to account for them! the best we can figure, it was probably a raccoon - the vines weren't pulled or disturbed... just the watermelon's neatly nipped off!
so this afternoon meg and i paid a visit to true value hardward, to find critter repellent. and we sprayed her melon vines, in hopes of keeping the watermelon thieves at bay. but now we both REEK. R.E.E.K. even though we've repeatedly washed our hands/arms, and meg had a whole shower. the whole backyard smells repulsive.
but maybe her melons will have a chance.... here's hoping!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
when he showed up a the office with the *original* painting as a gift for us - something that he would sell for a couple thousand dollars! you can totally even recognize The Girls! i guess we're gonna have to frame this in something better than a target frame...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
curtis and i answered simultaneously, "basket!"
turns out i love Ethiopian food! and i love eating bent over a basket of fragrant smells and spicy foods, scooping it up with my fingers and the crepe-like bread... the queen of sheba is my new favorite restaurant!
you should go there - or we could meet there for lunch! it's in the tymberline plaza, by the foodlion ... it was amazing... and i highly recommend the basket over the table. you can eat at a table any old time!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
call & response ...
"There is a sea of change happening in human rights activism. The world’s issues cannot be solved alone by governments and non-profits, but require community-based participation. As a feature film, CALL+RESPONSE has the unique position of being not only a ground-breaking genre-bending film, but due to the fact that this project was funded completely through donations, it operates as a powerful movement with 100% of profits going to fund global field projects on the front lines of this issue.
CALL+RESPONSE is creating interactive field projects for each aspect of human slavery: sex slavery, labor slavery, child soldiers and child slavery. All profits from the use of the film, dvd, soundtrack, itunes downloads will be directed, by the viewers, to these projects with clear start and finish points (ie a landrover for a child soldier rehab camp, sewing machines for a after-care training facility). Our goal is to fund and celebrate completed projects together in community. We are closing the loop by allowing viewers to become participants in the solution."
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
walking with the crowds
carried along by the pressing forward.
each one eager to get ahead
but each starting the same:
born as a baby, and from then on, struggling towards
meaning, power and influence.
make a big impression.
leave some indelible mark in your 3 score years
from birth, a struggle to find eternity, to burst
through life with such dazzling intensity, that
everyone will remember forever.
but walking the other way, picking out a route
against the crowds, a solitary figure passes me......
passes all of us - all straining away innocence, to
and he passes us, a quiet chaos in the crowd.
Christ, eternal, omnicient, creator, beyond time,
source of wisdom and beyond petty claims of
influence...in very nature God, slips into reverse
and walks back past us - away from Kingship,
away from power, away from influence, away from
eternity, away from wisdom...toward infancy.
calmly stepping into the body of a tiny child.
and even as this baby grows, figuring out how to control
the body he himself designed, he still walks
the other way, realizing that life cannot be found in the
struggle for permanence, but in giving it up.
this Great Reversal subverts me. tired of pressing forward, i realise i need to turn, for what i have been searching for has just walked past me the other way.
(from 'signs of emergence' - VX22. emphasis mine)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
many of know, or have heard of, the good "colonel reverend doctor captain chips" - our fantail goldfish. "chips", as we call him, has been swimming on my counter top for 3 1/2 years! i don't need your goldfish anecdotes - i know they can live for ages - but, really? 3 1/2 years? in a little bowl? needless to say, this is about 3 1/4 years longer than i anticipated him living...
so last night, when he was belly up, tail down - nothing twitching but an eyeball - i figured, "ah, well, chips. it's your time." and decided to leave him in peace over night so the girls could participate in his funeral today.
when i got up this morning, who was swimming around his bowl, all chipper and coming up to the top to eat his breakfast!?!? THE COLONEL! honestly! i think the cats are rubbing off, cause chips seems to have 9 lives...
Monday, July 13, 2009
if you're looking for something to read, here's a little list of what i'm reading right now...
signs of emergence - it's interesting, not what i expected. it's not about the "emergent church movement" .... but i'm not sure what it is about! i'm not far into it, but the first chapter is all about waiting - how we need to wait & let God form us slowly. so you know it's speaking to me!
cost of discipleship - bonhoeffer is a bit like reading romans to me... the arguments fold back onto each other, and require diligent attention. the book is rich and full, and even the parts i'm not sure i agree with make me think. he helped me understand the idea of costly grace for the first time.
velvet elvis - i am not a rob bell devotee, but i do like him. most of you have probably already read this one, so i'll leave it at that.
job - well, i'm not so much reading job as i am reading the OT, and happen to be in job. i usually skim along to the good part - i like it when God shows up - but i am trying to read slowly this time, and give it my full attention... oh, and i'm sprinkling in a few psalms here and there.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Monday, July 06, 2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Friday, July 03, 2009
The gourmets say there isn’t a native Canadian food worth remembering after you’ve left the country. The gourmets have never bitten into a Coffee Crisp.
A Coffee Crisp tastes like Canada to anybody who grew up gnawing on that confection, a memorably crisp blend of coffee cream, cookie wafers and milk chocolate as wholesome and satisfying as the Canadian national anthem. It was a square-edged rectangle, like a brick, wrapped in a yellow-going-to-gold paper that seemed to elevate its value above all rival confections. It was unlike other chocolate bars.
I say “was” because no sooner had I left Canada than its originator, Rowntree’s, was absorbed into the giant international food conglomerate Nestlé. Soon enough, factors beyond the ken of the layman led its new owners to “improve on” the faultless original. Coffee Crisps were reshaped to be longer and slimmer and, as the infallible taste buds quickly revealed, reformulated to be less crisp and less coffee-flavored. Nestlé next undertook to expand the brand: Coffee Crisp Orange, Coffee Crisp Raspberry, Coffee Crisp Café Caramel, even Coffee Crisp White and, God save us, Coffee Crisp Yogurt.
But even in its diminished form, the classic Coffee Crisp still ranked superior to all the sticky-sweet American “candy bar” alternatives. I’d snaffle up half a dozen on a Canadian visit and wolf down a couple right away, just to make sure it wasn’t all just nostalgie du chocolat. It wasn’t. Taste memory never fades.
The demands of homesick Canadian expatriates were finally answered, circa 2006, when Coffee Crisp made its debut south of the border. But Nestlé’s efforts at carving a niche in the United States, alas, seemed half-hearted. I never saw an ad, and found only one seedy neighborhood hole-in-the-wall that even sold Coffee Crisps; the single box was all but hidden down on the bottom row of the candy display rack near the dust kittens and lottery-ticket stubs.
A month later the box was still there, its contents by now grayish and moldy and stale with age when the wrapper was torn away. In another month the box was gone. Coffee Crisps slunk back out of the American market in 2008, as quietly as they’d entered.
I suppose the Coffee Crisp debacle proves yet again that Canadian products — with the notable exceptions of Bombardier jets and half the comedians in Hollywood — just can’t compete in the American big time. But all visiting Canadian relatives and friends arrive at my door with pockets mysteriously bulging, or they won’t be let in.— BRUCE McCALL, a writer and illustrator
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
what if i have TB?
this is the lingering question from our immigration medical exam this morning. our blood is drawn for HIV & various & sundry STD's, we got our tetnus boosters, and we go back friday to have our injection site examined. after that, we're all paperwork done and in the envelope!
but ... what if i have TB?
Monday, June 29, 2009
bad news first. we just received a letter from USCIS asking for 4 more documents/proofs, all of which we've already submitted at various stages of this process. sometimes i think they ask for things like this just to test our patience and see how serious we are about our application.
good news. fortunately, they are all easy documents, and even better, this means that they are actually processing our application! someone actually has it on their desk! woot!
so pray like you've never prayed before! i am fasting and praying for the month of july, asking for a miracle - that our permanent resident status would come before the end of the year... which would be an unheard of speed. but God can do it... and i refer you to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." - Daniel 3:16 - 18
"even if he does not".... greatest statement of faith ever.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
but last night, in the middle of the night, i was awakened by the most beautiful thing i've heard in a long, long time. my daughter, in the midst of her sleep, laughed. not just a little giggle, or a "hahuh", but a long, belly, full-out laugh. if it was music, it would have been two full phrases of laughter. it was absolutely delightful, and i fell back asleep with a smile on my face.
i hope many of her nights are filled that way. i love you, nutmeg.
of course, tonight i'll be sleeping alone... :)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
so i am having a different week. but not a bad one. it started with being able to be at vincent's farewell "launch" party last night, and means that i will get to spend his last week at home with him... a treat, because i love him so much. it also started with the girls sleeping over at their new friends place, so i even have a quiet morning here. i will have the days to myself, which, while it might get a little lonely, will be peaceful, too. and i will get to experience the fun of hearing all The Girls camp stories first hand - seeing their faces alight with giggles at the craziness, or wide eyed at what they accomplished.
and best of all, i am being here for my mom & dad. they have been there so much for me in my life - and now i get to, in some small way, step in and be there for them. even if my week fell apart, it would still be worth it. my friend krii said to me yesterday, "kindness is love with it's boots on." ... well, my boots are on, and ready for as long a march as is necessary.
in the words of virgil "nos cedamus Amori"... and we ourselves yeild to love.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
this is waaaaay past due...
Monday, June 08, 2009
we were strolling through barnes and noble last night when he pulled an origami kit off the shelf and said, "if i got one of these for christmas i would not be disappointed." huh! you think you know a person, and then, wham! :) so i snuck over to the counter where they have the little tiny box kits, and got him an origami for beginners box! we sat outside at the mall at one of the tables, and in the fading light curtis folded his very first origami creation... the swan! i was so proud!
frankly, his personal sense of accomplishment was charming! it made me laugh out loud! he's a nice boy... i think i'll keep him!
MY STUPID LAPTOP AND IT'S ^%$#^@!# BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!
that is all.
Friday, June 05, 2009
as i prayed for kyra this morning before she left, i said, "kyra, you did it! you survived your first year of middle school!" to which she replied, grinning, "with flying colors and straight a's!" :) she conquered a huge fear, overcame some panic, and grew up right before my eyes. i am so proud of her!
meg is headed into 4th grade, and is a girl of uncommon mercy. for such a wild child, she seeks out the unloved & "unlovable" to befriend, often being the only kind word or touch in the classroom. she is another straight A student, but i am most proud of her merciful heart.
i love these girls. madly. :)
in other news, curtis thought this was offensive. i just thought it was funny. you can judge for yourself by clicking here. you are forewarned. :)
Thursday, June 04, 2009
i can't believe it!
after watching me waddle onto the field, 8mo preggo with twins, and then begin with the wrong anthem, usa baseball has invited me back! frankly, i was shocked! pleasantly, obviously, but shocked none the less! so, on july 2, i will be singing the anthem for usa baseball v. guatemala! woot! who wants to come to the game??
(also obviously, this pic is from a different anthem-ing... a much thinner one! ha!)_
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
my parents are nuts.
yesterday, the first day of their summer vacation, they spontaneously got in their car with some omaha steaks and drove 8 1/2 hours to my house for dinner. yes, you read that right. dinner. and it was a lovely, tasty dinner, after which we hung out and be-ed a family. and then at 9 this morning they left for their return trip. may i remind you at this point that The Girls are going to their house on sunday, and staying til the end of the month... i mean, it's not as though they aren't going to see them!
so we let the girls stay home a bit this morning, for bagels & toast all together, and a little bit of couch snuggling. then we all said good bye at the front door and headed off to school, work, and.... kentucky.
nuts, i tell you.
it was ridiculous, true. but it was also the good stuff - the stuff life ought to be made of. and now i start my day with a heart that is fat and happy... full of the good stuff.
Monday, June 01, 2009
you know - those people who, when you are around them, make you happier just because you are in their presence. they are infectious, with beautiful hearts & carrying almost of fragrance of, 'it's gonna be ok."
i spent a couple hours today with one of my people like that - tenea. i want to be more like her... she was a spring of fresh water to me today, and someday i want to be like that for someone else.
thanks, t. medicine for my soul.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?" (Samuel Johnson)
meet nutmeg. she is our beautiful, joyful, moody, creative & wild 9 year old, and this is one of her (many!) dreams - pink hair. what mother would deny her 9 year old the ability to be "happy in their own way" for something so simple, so easy as that? she flounced out of the house today with a wide grin, calling behind her, "i'll let you know what everyone thinks about my hair!" she expects some envy, some bewilderment, and some disdain. but she doesn't care - because she is a fierce individual who is being raised on the truth that it is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.
i believe one of the greatest gifts i will give my daughters is the ability to love themselves for who they are - their whole selves. to acknowledge their weaknesses, revel in their strengths, and move with grace through a world that will judge both. it's a difficult thing to impart, but i am trying, every day. it is a battle i will not surrender.
frankly, the world could use a little more pink hair.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
curtis and i have long avoided it's cattle shute approach to food, but thanks to the girl scouts year end "banquet", there was nothing to be done. so i paid my $9.99 and entered... with trepidation. and it turned out that i was justified in my fears.
as i paced up and down the astonishingly long counters, people passed with plates piled high. i, on the other hand, could not bring myself to put anything onto mine. i finally settled on a bit of pot roast, some bourbon chicken and fried rice. the roast was tender, true, but whatever it was slathered in was inedible. the rice was spiced with something akin to plastic, and the chicken, well, i actually ate that. i left the rest on my plate, appalled at both my wastefulness, and the food itself.
thank goodness for the salad bar...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
curtis and i have been talking on and off lately about "religion"... what it is, what it isn't, what it ought to be and whether it should be thrown out all together. this quote is pretty close to what i would say, too... pretty close to my hearts desire.
the tricky thing here is that, as andy stanley said, "direction, not intention, determines your destination". you can "want all that God has" - intend it, if you will - but if you are not going in that direction with your choices, your destination isn't going to look much like what you intended. and this is where what would fall under the catagory of "religion" can be helpful; it gives a structure to inform our choices. a map, if you will, to help us choose our direction wisely.
following the map for the map's sake is insufficient. and this is where "religion" is a risky proposition. tozer makes this point with the little word "or". "i want God, or i want nothing to do with religion". he knows that our disciplines and practices are empty and hollow unless they lead us into the heart of God. going through the motions doesn't give you "all that God has", because God is inherently not interested in our motions; they are fully insufficient anyways. we are none of us holy, and our best effort is simply not good enough. but there is good news here - God "desires mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings". or, in the message translation, "I'm after love that lasts, not more religion. I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings."
yet our love finds it's framework in the disciplines and practices of our faith. because i love curtis, i want to show him. i want to know what he wants, i want to make him happy. and from God's point of view, because he loves us he wants us to, in the words of ralph (a la simpson's valentine episode), "choo-choo-choose" him. not check off a list of "to do's" that will satisfy some vending machine God, but choose him. choose to engage our hearts and minds in putting hands and feet to our intentions.
because your direction determines your destination; not your intention.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - c.s. lewis
Saturday, May 23, 2009
alone in the night is an entirely different experience than alone in the day. in the afternoon delivery men and neighbors drive down the street, dogs bark and birds chips. but not at night. a lone & distant frog is the only sound, and that muted by the windows & walls.
lately, i don't often let myself get this far. i used to think & read & write & turn life over in my mind a lot. not lately. there is too much that i would rather not remember or mark - too much that i want to forget so that i will be able to sleep. so i go to bed early, and toss and turn, contenting myself with thinking about whether or not i turned the air on, and if the bedroom fan is too loud.
yet here i sit. perhaps i am avoiding the darkness by writing these words. in fact, i probably am. maybe i should go ...
Friday, May 22, 2009
i was reminded today that this is the 2nd anniversary of "meeting mark". i count from a little earlier, when we started talking, but memorial weekend is the weekend we clapped eyes on one another. the things i remember about that weekend would fill pages here - so i will keep it down to one, for your sakes. :)
i didn't look enough. i would look at him, but he'd notice and i'd look away. i was too shy (me, shy!?) to really look, to stare, to drink in his face and expressions, to etch them into my mind. i regretted it as soon as we got in the car to drive away. i was so worried that this had been my only chance, and i'd blown it.
clearly, i was wrong! :) thank God!
a funny thing has happened in my mind. although i know my life exists as "pre & post mark", my brain works hard to fit him into my childhood, my memories. i don't remember anything clearly anymore... there's always someone moving in the photo - a blur. it's odd, but in my heart, there is no "pre/post" distinction. my entire inner orientation has shifted, so my life has always been "post mark". i know that probably doesn't make sense to you, but there you have it.
he is a lovely boy. i secretly love him! :)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
held carefully at waist height, with the palms turned toward her body and hands clutching empty air, they bobbed every so slightly with each step. not just up and down, but a slight rocking forward motion. my eyes travelled down to her pink clad feet, and saw the most discreet hint of a stutter step - an intentional gait that was done with such grace & control that you could hardly notice it. but every tenth step or so, she would forget herself and one mighty galloping step would escape.
and so, down the hall she goes, this serious little girl quietly riding her invisible horse.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
ok. much to our great surprise, the new star trek movie is fantastic! i mean, we thought it'd totally be enjoyable, but it was really, really good! the time went by so quickly, and we were totally engaged -pardon the pun! :) and for the record, the casting was superb!
maybe tomorrow i'll get hall monitor duty... i hear they get to sit down...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
we are up to EIGHT ticks already this year - that is more than all the years previous to this combined!
ticks are disgusting, sneaky, diseased little buggers... and i hate them. the one pictured above is the female lonestar tick, most recently pulled out of kyra's hair 2 nights ago, after she came upon it while playing with her hair absentmindedly. after which her piercing screams rent the house and caused no small amount of panic. that was only number 7.
i've pulled EIGHT of them off already this year. sheesh!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
can we live without margins? without the spaces at the edge of our pages that give us room to doodle and play tic-tac-toe? obviously, we can go day to day, but can we Live?
...with no margin of time - going from "must do" to "must do" to "MUST DO" without time to sit on the porch, or go to bed early, or hang out with the people who make you laugh
...with no margin of money - paying the bills with nothing left for a coffee with friend or lunch with your honey; or trying to figure out which bill not to pay this month so you can have groceries
...with no margin of space - constantly surrounded by the needs and voices of others, with no moments where you are truly alone, in the quiet, with no conversation and no demands
...with no margin of energy - filling the demands of the world, leaving you with no energy to give to what you want to give, be that your family, a good cause, or just walking the dog
Life was made to have wide margins - in fact, i would argue that some of it's best moments happen in the margins of our pages. living without them drains us of so much of our best selves. i know too many people living without margin... it seems to be the curse of our culture. but we would do well to take a look at our lives and figure out where we can create a little white space, because the doodles are important.
you be x's and i'll be o's.